Egg donor blog

I have donated once before and last month was chosen again!  I was really excited and they started me on the meds right away.  Five days into the injections I got a call from the agency saying that my chlamydia test came up positive and the cycle has been cancelled!!  To say I was shocked is an understatement!!  I’ve been married for 3 years and have two year old twin boys.  My husband and I are very much in love, so of course my first thought was…This HAS to be a mistake!  The agency said I had to come in for a vaginal swab to confirm it.  I am currently waiting for the results of the vaginal swab.  My question is…if this does turn out to be a false positive, and I never had chlamydia, do I still have to wait an entire year before I can donate again or can I become eligible right away?  When I asked my agency this question they said they weren’t sure, but that they would look into it and get back to me, but of course they haven’t yet??  I’ve been a mess the last 3 days and don’t know what to think.  My gut tells me it’s an error, but then a small part of me wonders…could he be having an affair…or could I have been contaminated by the vaginal ultrasounds I’ve been getting the last month??  And, if it is a false positive can anyone be held responsible for this?  Any thoughts or comments would be greatly appreciated….

Yeeeesh.  I don’t like beating around the bush, so I’ll tell you up front that you need to have a chat with your husband.  It’s not because I know you or your husband, but because I think the odds are most definitely against him.  If the test was, indeed–and thankfully–a false positive, I do not think that’ll interfere with your cycle at all.  But I don’t know, as it’s never been an issue I’ve thought twice about.  And I think you can eliminate the theory that your ultrasound gave you the STD.  I mean, I don’t know what kinda doctor you go to, and anything is possible, but that scenario is highly unlikely.  I’m sorry this situation has presented  itself, but I’m glad this situation has presented itself so you can get to the bottom of it ASAP.  Good luck with everything!

I have been selected to donate my eggs, but have not started the testing or process yet. I want to get a tattoo, and was wondering if it would effect my egg donation if I get a tattoo from a state regulated shop?

Nah, you’ll be fine.  I actually got a tattoo on the day of a donation, and had one lined up to start 2 months later.  I can hope you’re a smart, sensible individual, who isn’t gonna end up at a chop shop with a tattoo of, like, the McDonald’s arches or anything–unless that is what you’re getting, in which case, I’d tell you that it’s your lack of judgment that will hold you back, not the tattoo itself.  And if you’re worried about it, wait the month until this is over–the tattoo is forever, it’s, literally, not going anywhere.  Also, huge congrats on being chosen for a cycle!  Good luck!

I just wanted to express my gratitude to you and your blog!  I had considered becoming an egg donor for a while, and it was through reading your blog that I finally felt comfortable enough to do so!  I have been matched with recipients and have begun the syncing process.  My question is, after the donation process happens and it goes well (which is what I hope for), how often can I donate?

Congratulations on getting matched!  That’s a pretty massive first hurdle, so good job!  And you can jump that hurdle 6 times.  You may do them as back-to-back as you’d like, or as spread out as you’d like…all that is up to you and up to how quickly you’re matched for another cycle, should that still be something you’d like to do.  I donated 6 times over the course of 2 years.  I think only once did I end a cycle without having one already lined up. I consider myself extremely lucky and blessed to have been in that situation.  Out of those donations, three were for the same recipient.  Several years after I “retired,” that same couple wanted to have another baby and wanted to use me as their donor again–reasonably and very understandably.  It would be my 7th donation.  I never hesitated, and the doctor gave the go-ahead.  I was only 31-years-old, so it wasn’t a stretch, but it required I have the doctor’s approval, and was clearly a case-by-case decision.  I hope your cycle is going well, and I hope you’re taking it all in.  Best of luck!

I conceived my daughter naturally when I was 38, no problems, she is amazing.  We started trying for #2 when I was 41 (I know, what were we thinking?).  However, I had undiagnosed endometriosis after the birth…I had two chemical pregnancies, one miscarriage at 9 weeks, a year ago, and recently an ectopic pregnancy after injectables and IUI.  I am now 44 and ready to move onto egg donation.  The only viable person I’d consider is my cousin, who has 4 healthy children under 8; one just turned 1 and was conceived while on birth control!  The thing is, she’s 38.  I think she’s super fertile, but we should do this ASAP, right?  Grateful for your input.

First, I’m sorry for the hardship you’ve had to go through.  Truly.  Your story is the reason I want donors to understand the strictness of the standards and the weight of their responsibility.  I’m thankful to be a part of an incredibly important industry.  As for your cousin being your donor, I think it’ll be moot, to be honest with you.  I don’t think a doctor will use a 38-year-old donor.  I, truthfully, do not know if the age limits on egg donors are universal (21-29ish), regardless of relationship to the recipient, or if they’re specifically in place for egg donors who are agency-represented.  You will need to ask around.  And if she is able to be your donor, then, yah, do it yesterday.  I’m sorry this isn’t much of an answer, and I wish you good luck!

I donated for the first time about five weeks ago.  I got my period two weeks after my retrieval, but here’s the thing… I think I’m still on my period.  I had a normal period for about two weeks, and then it seemed to go away but I’ve been having this slightly tan discharge that has been pouring out of me as if it were a period.  My question is how long to menstrual periods usually last after retrieval?

I would say even two weeks is a long time to have your post-retrieval period.  Yeah, 2 weeks is a long period–in any situation.  That said, I’ve definitely experienced time frames where I’m wondering “is this a period, or is this just a…byproduct?” (for lack of a better word).  I side with my life theory that if you’re not in pain, you’re probably fine.  Your body is remarkably resilient, and if there is no other reason to suspect something is off, I’m guessing it’s your body’s way of handling egg donation and/or the retrieval.  If it will make you feel better–and regardless–feel free to call your doctor’s office.  These doctors don’t stop being your doctors  just because your donation is over.  As I’ve said in the past:  It’s your health, it’s your body, you need to know what’s going on and you need to feel comfortable enough to ask.  I’m glad the donation went well, and you’re on the mend!

Do you think that the tax situation changes when the following happens:  1.) I sign a contract with the donation agency and intended parents which states that the “fee” paid to me is in fact for “paid and suffering,” and “not for services rendered or in relation to quantity or quality of eggs.”  2.) The company still sends me a 1099-misc form and labels the compensation as non-employee payment.

Y’all, pay your taxes.  All of them.  You can try and justify dodging your tax bill any ole way you want, but the fact of the matter is that you’ve entered into a contractual business relationship, where you’re a contractor being paid for services rendered.  You’re not being paid for pain and suffering, you’re not being awarded compensatory damages, you’re not entering into any sort of relationship unawares of what is entailed.  You are hoping to find a loophole for a perfectly reasonable process and it’s going to end with your having to pay back taxes, while trying to argue with Uncle Sam, and that’s an argument I promise you will not win.  You’re not debating a speeding ticket in traffic court; these are state and federal taxes levied for wages earned.  Enough with the taxes.  Pay them because it’s the right, responsible and required thing to do.  Enough.

I am currently on day 6 of stimulation, and I am a bit worried about the infrequency of doctor’s appointments at my clinic.  My only appointments thus far were for days 1 and 5, and my next is not until day 8.  The nurses have said that I will likely only have one appointment after that, on day 10, and then will take the trigger that evening.  This seems like a very good clinic, but every donor plan I’ve seen always has daily appointments near the end.  The nurses simply say that they are “good” at this, and always get it spot on.  Are there any issues with this kind of schedule? Should I be giving my agency rep a call?  I am worried something will go wrong and they will notice it too late!

I wouldn’t worry too much right now about your appointments. I would assume they’re going to increase in number by the time you get to about day 8.  At that appointment, things will definitely have changed–you’ll for sure feel your ovaries by then–and the doctors will reevaluate.  Out of my 7 donations, I never had one that the doctors weren’t worried I’d hyperstimulate.  My calendar for sure changed, but no one knows to make those changes until that one appointment where it becomes evident.  If, at your next appointment, everything is going as expected, it’s normal you’d wait another 2 days before another doctor’s visit.  But, if, on that 8th day, your ovaries are strong and healthy little follicle factories, then you may be monitored more closely from then on out.  That’s why I ALWAYS tell prospective donors that 100% flexibility is so key to this process, because neither you nor your doctors know exactly how the drugs will progress your cycle until it’s progressing.  Hang in there, be vigilant, STAY HYDRATED (Gatorade, Vitamin Water, bananas, etc…no regular, boring water…you need electrolytes, very specifically) and keep on keepin’ on with your meds.  I promise, you’re the most important part of this equation at this point, and the doctor is only as successful as you are, so no one is leaving you hanging or keeping you in the dark.  I’m glad everything is going well, and good luck with your donation!

I am 22, turning 23 in a month or so. My cousin who has been trying to get pregnant for five years now called me to ask for an egg donation. She has one frozen of her own left, and she is looking for mine to add into her next cycle/ in vitro to see if she can get pregnant. If that worked, we would not know whose DNA the baby had. If it didn’t work that time, they would use the rest of my eggs in the next attempt.  I have known this cousin for my whole life, only seeing her at family parties. She is around 40, so we did not grow up together, but out of all my siblings (there are 6) we have always got on very very well. There was a choice between me and one of my sisters and she asked me, which is very nice of her…. but we also look more alike, which would help in the anonymous case.  I’m pretty much overwhelmed with everything about it:  The procedure and its risks, the long-term effects (infertility, possibly cancer from the drugs), the psychological effects, too.  I am a scientist, so the lack of data about long term effects really scares me.  But my initial reaction from her asking was to help because I have seen how wonderfully my older sisters and brothers lives have changed since adding children into their lives. My older brother and his wife actually had a lot of trouble getting pregnant so I do have some insight into the pain that comes with infertility.  Also, if she does get pregnant from my donated eggs, I am currently living out of state from her, so I would not be close to her during the pregnancy or the birth or even the first 2-3 years of her child’s life.  So I think that is probably a good thing, but what do you think?  I’d very much appreciate info (links, websites, etc) on the medicine, procedure, lasting effects after the procedure.

Yikes, this is a lot.  My simple answer is that I’m not sure you’re ready to be a donor.  One necessary characteristic of all donors, regardless of physical appearance, personality or ability, is that you be SURE.  Not sure you want to be a donor, but SURE you’re okay having a child out there who is yours and what is required to achieve that for someone else.  Same state or not, same family or not, physical likeness or not, you have a child.  YOU have a child.  I have six of them.  That’s a tough pill to swallow, and I don’t know a single family to whom I donated.  I just know that there are little Kates running around out there.  And every time I think about it, my next thought is how my parents would never be able swallow that same pill.  Egg donation isn’t a romantic idea of helping a family with infertility–it’s just not.  Egg donation is an understanding that all of these fears you have are a million percent valid, and there is little, if any, resolution to them.  I can tell you that you needn’t fear any health risks, but if you aren’t reassured by a doctor’s insistence, I’m not going to help you at all.  I can tell you that I think it’s a really naive idea to think donating to a relative–or anyone you know–isn’t a recipe for disaster, but that’s something you’ll see for yourself, but it’ll be too late by then.  You asked my opinion, so I’m giving it to you:  Egg donation isn’t forever like a tattoo is forever; it’s forever like a child is forever.  I think you’re way too unsure about way too many things to be a donor, no matter how badly you want it.  I, honestly, feel like you need a bit more time to be a lot more sure about this.  I can only do so much to alleviate your concerns, your self-assurance needs to be able to do the rest, and until it can….

I am interested in becoming an egg donor, but I want to know if I qualify:  I lost my first pregnancy at 36 weeks from a random placenta abruption. But I now have two beautiful daughters.  I would like to be able to help a couple have a child.  But will I qualify to donate?

I can’t say for sure, actually, though I can’t see why not.  Since your pregnancy complication is independent of the “tools” used for egg donation I can’t imagine it’d be a factor when it comes down to it, but I’m not sure if that is linked, in any way, to the actual follicles and your ovaries.  I think it’s absolutely worth a conversation with your doctor to find out.  I’m sorry I can’t give you more information, but I think it’s an easy answer were you to check with a doc.  Good luck;  hope everything works out!

I am in the process of my first egg donation.  I started the egg donation process in July 2012.  I have FINALLY been approved and a family has chosen me.  I have started taking birth control to sync up with the family.  I am curious about the typical agency.  I am eager to donate but I keep struggling because communication has been horrible with this agency.  I feel like egg donation is an important thing but without my constant emails and phone calls I would never be where I am today.  Even now, I have no clue when I will start the actual process because they are waiting on the recipient to call back.  I feel very frustrated and that I am forgotten sometimes.  Is that normal??

Congratulations on being chosen as a donor!  I would say your situation is annoying and unfortunate, but not rare.  Here’s the thing:  Just because someone is paying your way for the next 4- to 6- weeks doesn’t mean you can’t take charge of your own situation.  As the donor, you’re 90% at the mercy of the recipient and the timing of the cycle–the syncing of of your schedules is the most important factor at this point.  But then there’s the  subtle, but grossly important, 10% that’s all in your control, because nothing can happen without you.  But, one-hundred percent in your control at all times, is picking up the phone.  Call the doctor and your 3rd party coordinator until the phone burns out if you want to.  This is your body and these are your eggs, and while the process kinda is what the process is, you can never have enough information.  I can promise you that the lack of attention isn’t on purpose.  When you’re needed–and know that you’re the reason everyone is here, so you are more needed than anyone–you’ll know.  They won’t tell you any information too late, but they will hold off on telling you information until it’s clear, until it’s “ready,” until it’s go-time, which can for sure cause anxiety.  Call, email, be a pest, keep track, stay on top.  I like information where I’m concerned.  The more you know, the more you’re responsible for, and it behoves you to be all over this responsibility.  And keep one  huge thing in mind:  Your doctors and nurses and agents have most very likely not  ever been egg donors;  they don’t know the anxiety we go through when we wait for the next phase.  They don’t know how overwhelming the cooler of meds is the day it shows up on your doorstep.  They don’t know how much it hurts to poop the days after the donation.  They don’t know this stuff, so they don’t know to keep you at ease about any of it.  Just know that when you need to know, you will most certainly be told, as you’re the only real action-item in the process.  Don’t be frustrated, be proactive.  Good luck, have fun and stay informed!